1.

Skagerrak hauled himself out of a drain in the main street of Barcelona, La Rambla. He prided himself on his appearance and was, in his own modest estimate, the most handsome cockroach in all of Catalonia. He adjusted his Ray-Bans to the bright sun and swaggered down the gutter in cool style.

The senoritas would adore him. At his midpoint, a new black sombrero hung over a black, ivory-studded leather belt. At the base of his six limbs were black leather boots. They’ll stare at me, and say, ‘How long are you staying, big guy?’ And I’ll say, ‘Long as it takes, honey.’ Oh, yeah!

After a while, the shadows lengthened and the sun began to draw in. Skagerrak could sense the hum of the street. Oldsters ambling past, teens canoodling in the byways, singles vainly searching for prospective partners. La Rambla was indeed a cockroach-rich area, as he had been promised by Hamera. But it was the piquant perfume of the senoritas that he found most alluring.

Keep struttin’, roach! Stay cool! You’re probably being ID’d right now. Keep the body straight, head high, let ’em know you’re there. That’s it, roach!

A gentle breeze was caressing his face, and carrying with it the tantalizing scent of female cockroach. He reached for the sombrero with his foreclaw and bent forward to slip it over his head. With the shades, and the boots, he would be real mean.

He caught sight of them clustered together in the distance. They were dressed in high fashion. The sweet smell of street detritus came to his antennae.

Keep on struttin’, roach! Make as if you’re going somewhere. A cockroach of decision. Important. Stuff to do.

The group were in a state of high agitation. ‘Hey, dude! We got a dive here. You interested?’

2.

Skagerrak realised that he was being addressed by a skinny-looking roach with a glint in his eye. ‘Did you say something?’ he said.

‘We got a dive here, roach. If you might be interested. You interested?’

‘Maybe. I wasn’t really planning anything, but you know, maybe. What’s the place called?’

‘That’s a good question. I guess it’s called The Dive. Very popular hereabouts. Lots of beautiful senoritas. Not so many roaches tonight. Who knows? You wanna see?’

‘Possibly.’

‘Yessir. The name’s Pablo, by the way.’

‘I’m Skagerrak.’

‘Good to meet you, Skagerrak. It’s down here.’

Pablo walked Skagerrak over to a recess in the side of the kerb and pointed his snout over the edge. Skagerrak peered into the murky depths of the drain, his eyes unable to adjust. He could see little, though his hairs were beginning to shiver at the scents emanating from the cavern below.

‘Why don’t you go down? Take a taste?’ said Pablo.

Skagerrak hesitated for a second, and then made the decision. ‘I will.’ It was too good an invitation to miss.

‘I like it,’ said Pablo.

Skagerrak took off his sombrero and shades, slipping both into the band at his midpoint. He raised his forewings and stepped off the edge. It was dark, but his eyes were discerning, and he gradually became able to make out where he was going. He floated down gently through the air towards the hubbub below.

Surprised by slime deposits on his chosen landing spot, he made ground awkwardly. He was annoyed. His carefully garnered image of a cool roach had been destroyed at one fell swoop.

He heard a light chuckle, and realised that a female was standing nearby, holding a tarsus over her mouth as she did so.

‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘But you were so funny.’

3.

‘Are you all right?’ she continued.

‘I don’t think anything is broken.’ Skagerrak rolled over, regained his upright posture, and reached down to replace his shades and sombrero in position.

At this, she burst into laughter again. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m not usually this rude, but, well, down here in sunglasses and a hat!’

Skagerrak was beginning to feel rather got at, but noticed that the senorita was a devastatingly attractive brunette. He stared at her.

‘I think I should go,’ he muttered.

‘Oh, don’t go! I thought we were getting on so well, didn’t you? Please stay, won’t you? For me?’

‘If you don’t mind talking to a cockroach who can’t even land properly without making a mess of it.’

‘Oh, that’s nothing,’ she said. ‘Come with me.’ She tugged him gently towards her. He allowed himself to be guided towards a seething crowd of cockroaches in an adjoining chamber.

‘Do you mind if we stay here?’ he asked.

‘Here?’ she said. ‘All right.’

She manoeuvred him over to a dank snug on one side.

‘So this is The Dive?’ he asked.

‘That’s what they call it. Weird name, if you ask me. What’s your name, by the way?’

‘Skagerrak,’ he said.

‘Mine’s Maika,’ she said. She came forward to nudge him in welcome, and retreated a little.

‘It’s very nice to meet you, Maika. You know, I feel as if I can just be me with you. I don’t have to be cool. I’m enough by myself.’ He stopped, then added, ‘It’s a nice feeling.’

She was looking at him askance. ‘I’m glad you can be you, Skagerrak. It means I can be me. I do think we make a good pair, don’t you?’ She stepped in to give him another nudge.

This time, she didn’t go away.

The end